Blending: a ritual of individuality and togetherness

When I was a teacher, one of the concepts that would always get every student to feel a bit clever and sophisticated was the concept of duality: the idea of combining two very different things into a new whole.  If they didn’t explore this as part of their study of Jekyll and Hyde I would get very annoyed!

Duality sits quietly at the heart of every ceremony. In weddings it’s especially visible: two families, each with their own histories, values, quirks, memories — sometimes different cultures, races, or religions — arriving from completely separate worlds. And yet, because two people have chosen one another, those worlds begin to intertwine. What was once separate becomes something new.  Funerals contain duality too: you can be simultaneously grief-stricken and also laughing and finding joy in remembering the person who has died.  A funeral is a combination of a person’s past and what they were like in the present.  It is a liminal space where we acknowledge someone was so alive but we now only know them as dead.

I’ve explored hand fasting, candles and music as rituals that can make your ceremonies so personal and rooted in your own story.  But another ritual that you could consider adding to your wedding ceremony is a blending ritual.

A blending ritual is very simple.  You take two different items and you combine them.  That’s it! It’s a moment to symbolise your union. And as your celebrant, I can add a blending ritual seamlessly so it will never feel like an afterthought or like a random add on.  It’s as important as any other moment in your ceremony.

Common blending rituals

A Unity Candle

I love how all the sources for this call it a ‘relatively new custom’.  It was popularised in the 1980s!  I was born in the 80s!  I am not relatively new (as much as I wish I still were)

A unity candle is a 3 candle set up: a central unlit candle with two taper candles that are lit separately and then unite to light the central candle.  Traditionally the mothers of the couple are responsible for this moment although the couple can choose anyone to special to do this task.  All that matters is that the symbolism is important to you; the lighting of these candles symbolizes the two individuals coming from separate families and becoming one in marriage. The tapers may be blown out to indicate that the two lives have been permanently merged, or they may remain lit beside the central candle, symbolizing that the now-married partners have not lost their individuality. 

Sand-blending

Another one birthed in the 80s!  As more and more Catholic wedding ceremonies in the USA moved outdoors, there became a problem that needed to be solved. Fine when inside a church - but the flame often blows out when outside. Obviously.

The genius answer to this was to get couples to blend together two vials of sand into a larger central vessel.  Their individual grains of sand blending together became the new symbol of their endless unity. Once blended, the individual grains of sands cannot be parted.

You can be so creative with this – you can do different sand colours or textures, you can collect sand from your favourite beaches, you can even personalise the vessel to keep the sand as a little keepsake for your marital home.

Other blendings:

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Music – two people playing a melody on different instruments that may start off in different octaves, rhythms or pitches but which eventually come together to the same song symbolising your union.

Seeds – your favourite flowers, your birth flowers, your parent’s favourites…again there’s no limitations on creativity.  And then you and your guests can plant them after the ceremony or can be given as a favour.

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Dyed water or liquids with different densities – endless science lesson antics as part of your wedding ceremony!  Oil, liquid soup, lemon juice, water…there’s all sort of fun to be had.

Get in touch!

These rituals are small moments in the wider structure of your ceremony but I will take them just as seriously as your entrance, telling your love story and your vows.  They will be blended as seamlessly into your ceremony as the sand in your vessels effortlessly blends together.Get in Touch

Next week’s post will be about having pets in ceremonies and, in the meantime, if you want to know more you can check out my Insta @elizabeththedorsetcelebrant.

These moments don’t need to be grand.
They just need to mean something to you.

And if you know you’d like to include something but aren’t sure how, or you’ve got lots of ideas and want to shape them into something simpler, or even if you know exactly what you want but not quite where it belongs — that’s where I come in.

I’ll help you find the right place for it.

Be well!